How to Survive a Fangirl

  They're everywhere. It's a terrfying thought, but sadly, it is the truth. Wild vicious beasts roam amongst the normal people of our world. What are they? Their scientific name is insanis mulier, 'crazy woman',  but they are more commonly known as fangirls. This sub-group of humans are highly dangerous, and it is difficult, unless properly educated, to know how to survive with one.

What IS a fangirl?

"Get out while you still have your underwear" (in case you can't read it)

  The definition of a fangirl is rather simple; a woman/girl (with the occasional male tossed in, see 'fanboy') involved in a fanbase, with an insane, obsessive love for their fandom (a video game, book series, tv show, or movie) or a character from the fandom.

The signs:

  The easiest way to identify a fangirl is to monitor her behavior safely from afar. Generally, if the subject is indeed a fangirl, she will exhibit the following:

• An obsessive, mind-controlling love for a fictional character or fandom
• Uncontrollable chattering about her fandom every time she opens her mouth
• Uncontrollable squeeing and/or interjecting into a conversation where her fandom is mentioned
• Obsessive hoarding of objects and/or merchandise that has to do with her fandom/character
• Unexplained need to attend conventions involving her fandom and/or meeting her favorite character
• Rabid and vicious verbal and possibly physical attacks when anyone puts down her fandom

These are just some of the most common signs of a fangirl.Some may also foam at the mouth, be prone to browse the internet constantly for fanart and fanfiction, inventing self-insert characters/romance interests for her fandom/character and possibly be found enjoying cosplaying.

How to Avoid a Fangirl Attack:

  Most fangirls are likely to attack if their fandoms or characters are threatened.The easiest way to avoid this is to do the following:

• Do NOT tell the fangirl that her character crush wouldn't like her. This will send her into a titanic rage.
• Do NOT tell a fangirl she would be the first one to die in her fandom, this WILL lead to her becoming determined to prove her survival skills and kicking your tuckus.
• Do NOT steal a fangirl's fandom mechandise of possessions. She will have a total flip-out, and possibly kill you if she discovers you've taken them.
• Do NOT draw on a fangirl's fandom posters. This will lead to her giving you a tattoo of whatever you've drawn.On your face.
• Do NOT dismiss a fangirl's pairing(a coupling of characters that she approves of) as being implausible. This will lead to an hour long rant about how they are totally compatible. This may lead to your ears bleeding.
• Do NOT (if you are part of another fandom) even dare to SUGGEST that your fandom is better than a fangirl's. This will lead to a physical duel, which you will lose.

  As you have no doubt picked up by now, the main idea here is not to insult/put down or meddle with a fangirl's fandom.Do this, you will be fine.


NOTE: If a fangirl does attack, the chances of survival are low. At least, in the sense that you will ever be the same, because you won't be.

How to Cure Them:

  There is no known cure for a fangirl, but research has shown that over time, especially if her fandom's ratings begin to fall and/or her favorite character is permenantly removed, a fangirl's obsessiveness will slowly wane and then fade away. In the most severe cases, this will lead to a few weeks of sadness, after which the fangirl with either make a complete recovery and return to normal society, or she will instead discover a new fandom, and the cycle will begin all over again.

On a closing note, fangirls surround us, they are an incurable epidemic. However, I feel they are something to be embraced, not scorned. The reason I feel this way? I am one! BEHOLD! MY FANDOM!