When an Ostrich Stalks You

Hello, dear readers! 

I have a rare treat for you today! It's Story Time!

One day, I was just standing in the park, enjoying the fresh air, the wind through the trees, the shrieks of children as they pushed each other into the pond and were promptly attacked by angry swans. I sigh, feeling blissfully happy, despite the screams of the children as they're being pecked and buffeted by the great wings of swans.

"Help!" They scream."Mister! We're being attacked by a huge bird!"

I scoff. "That's not a huge bird!" I say. 

I start to walk away, to go back home. The peace of the park no longer entertains me. That was when I heard it, a strange squawking sound, quite unlike the hisses and honks of the swans. I peer over my shoulder, and see no one there.

As I walk past a tree, I feel something tap me on the shoulder. I freeze and slowly turn my head, only to come face to face with a fuzzy head and orange beak. The ostrich stares at me a moment. I stare back. I have no idea what I should do. No one tells you what to do in case of an ostrich attack.

Do I make myself bigger, scream and shout? Or smaller, playing dead and holding my breath until he goes away? Or do I simply climb a tree or run for my life screaming like a little girl? All this runs through my head as the ostrich and I continue our staring contest. Then, it makes a move. It lets out the squawking sound.

Me and the Ostrich as it squawks.

 I am petrified! Now what? I decide to go with my instincts. I do as a coward would and run, screaming at the top of my voice. Sadly, my scream is more shrill than Justin Beiber's singing voice. It shames me to no end. So I stop, saving my breath for running.

I continue to run, until I see my sanctuary ahead. A concrete duck-pond. Everyone knows about these things. No ducks ever go to them because they are too small and there's no food in them. They're insanely deep and no flightless bird who can't swim in his right mind would dare to go into one.So I know what I must do.

Snapping on my swim goggles and my safety helmet, I charge the duck-pond. As I draw nearer, I leap into the air, more graceful than a ballerina performing on opening night, and dive into the duck pond.

The water is freezing cold, but I swim down, down,down, on and on until I touch the bottom. I turn around and start for the surface. As I break through the water, I look back in the direction I had come and realize, there is no ostrich. Instead, standing next to the tree is an old man with a long nose and a beard, coughing into a handkerchief. 

I sigh and move to the edge of the duck pond, and grasp the edge, pulling myself out. I think I need to go home and take a nap. Or admit myself to the insane asylum.

In Other News...

Are you one of those people who enjoy napping at class, or find you need to catch a few 'z' 's at work? Then buy this thing!

So, what is this strange object? This is the ostrich. It's not a pillow! Not a bed, but a bit of both! The best part, this thing ACTUALLY exists! Why would someone invent such a thing, no one's sure.

Why am I posting about this? I WANT ONE! How nice would it be to be feeling tired, and just be able to whip out your Ostrich and take a nap? The one downside of thing I can see is that people would know you were, or were at least trying, to get to sleep. that and I also worry about how one would breathe.

 See the article here:http://www.ecouterre.com/need-a-power-nap-at-work-bury-your-head-in-the-ostrich-pillow-bag/

My Secret

Stereotyped This Way

Hullo underlings.

I'm sure many of you are familiar with the T.V. show 'Glee'. Let me say flat out, I HATE GLEE. This statement seems a bit contradictory as I am wearing a Glee shirt today, but that is because a friend bought it for me, so I feel inclined to keep it, and because it happened to be the first thing I grabbed out of my drawer this morning.

So on to the hate. Glee was a good show at the start, I admit, great music, interesting characters and yeah, some of the actors were pretty cute. Then the actual conflict began.



One of my favorite characters on the show from the start was Kurt. Cute, quirky, awkward, and gay to boot. He reminded me a lot of a good friend of mine. And he had problems with acceptance and being picked on, which was a great addition to the storyline. That was what the main story was about in the beginning: the different members of the Glee club accepting one another, despite their differences.

The in came the sterotypes. Kurt transferred to a different school and joined their Glee club, where he met and fell for Blaine. I had nothing wrong with this couple at first. If anything, i was happy, as Kurt reminded me so much of my friend, and it gave me hope that he might find happiness as well. Then, as the show continued on, I realized the couple had NO issues whatsoever.

Their personalities clicked perfectly, they both loved music and shopping (stereotypically, only gay boys enjoy this). Near the end of season two came the part that REALLY pissed me off. The prom was rolling around for the Glee kids, and Kurt wanted to go with Blaine,who accepted.Again flawless realtionship. No problems so far.

At the prom occured the big knocker that shoved me completely away from the show. Kurt being crowned Prom Queen. What kind of school allows that?! Seeing as,by this point, Kurt had openly come out of the closet, everyone knew he was gay, the prom commitee must've know that this would humiliate aKurt.

Having been close friends with a gay person for nearly three years at this point, there was one thing I knew for sure. Gay men do not think of themselves as 'women trapped in men's bodies', but rather as a man who feels the need for romantic companionship of other men, and may or may not behave in a soemwhat feminine manner, and people should not think of them as anything less.

Anyway, that's basically my rant. I am pissed with Glee, and no longer understand why people like it so much.

Laters,
Perry~V

Scared of the Dark?

No, I am most certainly not. You see, that would mean that I am nyctophobic. Which I am not!No dear children, what I am, is an Automatonophobic Melanophobic Lupophobiac. This means that I have a fear of black wolves that are animatronic, wax figures, or in any other means falsely represented.  Odd fear, huh?

The reason behind this?Simple. I watched the Neverending Story at a young age and ended up scarred for life. Let me tell you, that movie's freakin' scary! Still gives me nightmares. It's so bad, I still can't watch the movie, nor can I even look up pictures on Google from the movie. I tried once, nearly died from a panic attack. Never again will I try such a foolish thing!

I have other fears too, but none are so horrible as that one. I can honestly say though, that I am not afraid of wolves in their natural, live form. I think they're beautiful and wonderful creatures that should be preserved, not hunted because they've been marked as 'pests'.

Therefore, now that I've expressed my fear and expressed my feelings toward the object of my fear, I think I can safely call this post done.

On that note, isn't this wolf adorable?!:D

Hating on Things I Hate: A Perry-V Rant

Good day,Newbies!

Today, I'm gonna tell you a list of my pet peeves and why I hate these things so much, because a girl can't just have just one, just like that old stereotype about girls and their shoes (Which, by the way, is true. We need shoes for EVERY thing we do!You can't wear running shoes to a wedding,after all.).

Numero Uno: Mindfarts! Most annoying thing in the world when you think of something you want to say or do, and then, out of nowhere, in the short time of a second or two, poof! It's gone! Sometimes forever because it's so dang hard to recover the ideas! How annoying is that? The worst part is, it's not always that we forget what we want to say, but the way we had it perfectly worded in our heads.Annoying as a guy's voice changing during puberty.

Number two: Rap Music. I hate that stuff. Nothing, well, almost nothing, is more annyoing to me than a song in which you can't understand the lyrics, or else don't want to understand them because the lyrics are just to damn dirty.It's sickening, and sadly becoming more and more popular. What's even sadder is that people let their young children listen to this, or rather, have their car radios set to an all rap station while their kids are in the vehicle. Is nothing sacred anymore? When I was little, we had great music, like Bryan Adams, Pink, Avril, and others. These kinds of songs had a direct meaning, yes, but could be interpreted differently, unlike today's music which has only one message: Sex, drugs, drinking, GOOD! This mucus drives me nuts. And no, that is not a spelling error, I actually believe rap music to be as bad and disgusting as that nasty crap you blow out your nose when you have a cold.

Number three: Overly-Dramatic T.V.   This is one that is probably on everyone's list. It's extremely annoying when things on T.V. are so melodramatic that they become insanely predictable. Usually, if a show starts out this way, it fails within the first season and is never spoken of again, which is good. Sadly, this is a road that most good shows travel down as the writers start to run out of ideas. it's saddening and at the same time as irritating as a mosquito bite on the rear end to watch a good show go down the pipes because the writers can't think up any new ideas or twists. Same goes for reality T.V. though. At first, the show is fascinating, generally because of one or two aspects. Then money goes to people's heads, and they decide that, to get their ratings up, they'll cause drama, which ends up making them a laughing stock in the media's eyes (Take a look at Jersey Shore).This also causes viewers to disappear, eventually causing the show to fail.

Despite the fact that I have several more things I hate that I could rant about, I've decided to spare you all reading on and on, page after page. Therefore, it is with that i shall leave this off. Please enjoy these face-swaps.

~Perry-V

Man or Monster?

I'm back again Newbies!

Why? Because it's MY blog, and I'll post when I wanna. That and...you know, we were sorta told to do two posts today.  So, this is basically my free post...write about whatever I want, Feicky's said...well, lets see...what horrors shall I unleash unto you? Meh...can't think of any horrors right now. So we'll go on a magical ranting journey about....PUBLIC WASHROOMS!

No, I'm just playing with your silly little heads. In truth, what I really want to rant about is my odd taste in film. I can openly admit, I'm not one for overdone gore, romance or anything else.I absolutely adore plot. Read it again, I said P-L-O-T, PLOT. Not pot. 

I enjoy a story that contains some deeper meaning than just 'boy-meets-girl', or 'ahhh-its-a-serial-killer!'. I liked to know the origins of things. For example, I have a deep interest in the Hannibal Lecter series of films, mainly Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal. I do not enjoy the fact that the story is about a serial killer, nor the blood and gore of the film. I find it enchanting because of the mystery and intrigue of it all.

Hannibal Lecter is an interesting character with a strange yet believable background. High-born, lost his wealth, sought revenge, and was imprisoned for it,these are typical traits of a tragic hero. But I do not see Hannibal as this. Instead, I know he is an anti-hero. He's the guy you cheer for, even though he is, in a way, the bad guy.

Even the romantic aspects of these two films have interesting dynamics. The relationship is forbidden, to be sure, as I highly doubt any sensible parents would support their FBI trainee daughter falling in love with a known serial killer who eats his victims. As well, we get the feeling that this relationship is somehow beautiful. To prove this point, here is a quote from the film:

Hannibal:Tell me Clarice, would you ever say to me "Stop. If you loved me, you'd stop"?  
Agent Clarice Starling: Not in a thousand years.
Hannibal:Not in a thousand years"... That's my girl. 

Hannibal then makes a move as if to bite Clarice on the cheek, his means of attack, but it then changes into a kiss. This leaves viewers deeply questioning the dynamics of this relationship. He writes her letters, asking how he makes her feel, yet at the same time, he taunts Clarice for her mistakes and for being able to feel emotions.Is it a Beauty & the Beast-esque love tale, or is simply the tale of a monster? Judge for yourself. Does this look to you like love?

~Perry-V

In 19, 19, 1999!

It is time. Sit down, little Newbies, and I will tell you of a time long past.

In the fa-ha-habulous year listed above, I was but an adorable, though admittedly somewhat simple-minded four year old. I loved nothing more than to spin around in circles in my kitchen first thing in the a.m. until I was so dizzy, I swore I could FEEL the world spinning. While I did this, I would yell out,"I'm a helicopter!" repeatedly until one or both of my parents came downstairs to give me my dang Froot Loops.

I rather enjoyed Froot Loops at this point in my life. Though I didn't like the way they made the milk taste. I usually spent a good four minutes arguing with Mummy-dearest about it. I still don't like the way it tastes.

If the day was fair, my mother would then shoo me outside to play. I loved our backyard and thought I was the coolest kid ever because I had a crocodile teeter-totter (a gift on my second birthday), a treehouse (one of them playhouse things put on a platform, built by my Dadd-eh!) AND a pool (above -ground). I wasn't allowed to play near the pool though. I remember my mother saying something foolish like...'you might drown'? Ridiculous right? I could swim just fine, as long as I had Captain Quacky (my big duck floatie)by my side.

I'd probably play with my big sister Danita in the treehouse at some point, where she'd tell me stories of the 'Jelly Bean Monster' that lived on the treehouse roof. In reality, I later discovered this was a shadow of the play house chimney.

I'd  watch 'The Young and the Restless' and 'Bold & the Beautiful" with my mother after lunch, even though I didn't really get what was happening. Gotta love them stories. In reality, what I really loved was all the pretty dresses and outfits the actresses wore.

After that I'd nap. And oh, how wonderful those naps were (insert dreamy sigh here). I would dream of the most magnificent things, like pigs that could fly and cookies that could talk.I don't know why I wanted cookies to talk, I just did. I'm odd that way.:P

My day would slowly wind down from there. Unlike most small children, in the winter time, instead of a bath, I'd sometimes get to go for a dip in the indoor family hot tub, with supervision of course. Again about that drowning thing *sigh*. After that it was stories, more stories, and hugs and kisses.

Looking back, I can openly admit that if I had needed to deal with four year old me, I would have insisted the child (me) was as mad as Johnny Depp playing the Mad Hatter.I was one crazy, hyper-active and downright too dang happy child!

That is all.

Perry-V

Rant Numero Uno

Hullo world, It's Perry-V!

So here's the deal. I have been asked to answer this question: What is a book that I find to be really good, and why would I recommend it. The answer to that is simple, Newbies and Newbiettes. One of the most inspiring and wonderful books I've ever read is fairly old, and contains a classic story. The book is called Watership Down, written by Richard Adams.

This book tells the story of a group of rabbits living in England who are forced from their warren when Fiver, one of the group, has a psychic vision of a terrible danger coming. As they flee, the group encounter many dangers, from wire traps to dogs. Finally, they find what seems to be paradise, a warren on a high hill, Watership Down. They then realize they have a new dilemma, they are the only rabbits around, and they are all male. This causes them to discover Efrafa, a dictatorship warren run by General Woundwort. In order to survive, the Down rabbits must attempt to make peace with these vicious rabbits, or else lose all they have worked for.

I highly recommend this book because it is truly one of the greatest books I have ever read, being a very well-written story that is unpredictable. As well, the book gives a unique look into the lives of the animals it tells about, going into depth about the rabbits' gods, their folk tales, how they could possibly operate as a community and why they do certain things. It even gives the reader an outlook as to the rabbit's language, using footnotes to explain.

This is a picture of the rabbits' god, Lord Frith.

The plotline of this book is well-fleshed out, and the author was not afraid to add gore and situations of peril, while at the same time not going over the top. The story is one of sorrow, joy, and the trials of life. It is written so well, that one could almost believe that, once upon a time in England, it truly could've happened.

That is why I say, in closing, READ THIS BOOK!

And that's the deal.

Perry-V

Welcome People!

Hola!

Tis me, Perry. So here I am...starting this awesome-sauce blog for my Writer's Craft course! Don't really know what to write about...so I guess I'll do a free writing thing? No, there's no time for that. Oh look, I'm doing it right now! Haha! Awesome! uhhhh....Uhhh...Pie! Pie is totally delicious. Pie is just...just WOW! I think it's dang amazing. my favorite is pumpkin!

I'm thinking that, after I go home today, after doing my homework, I might make a pie. FAIL! LIES! Why? because I don't know how to make a pie. So yeah!

Bell rang! Away goes me!