How to Survive a Fangirl

  They're everywhere. It's a terrfying thought, but sadly, it is the truth. Wild vicious beasts roam amongst the normal people of our world. What are they? Their scientific name is insanis mulier, 'crazy woman',  but they are more commonly known as fangirls. This sub-group of humans are highly dangerous, and it is difficult, unless properly educated, to know how to survive with one.

What IS a fangirl?

"Get out while you still have your underwear" (in case you can't read it)

  The definition of a fangirl is rather simple; a woman/girl (with the occasional male tossed in, see 'fanboy') involved in a fanbase, with an insane, obsessive love for their fandom (a video game, book series, tv show, or movie) or a character from the fandom.

The signs:

  The easiest way to identify a fangirl is to monitor her behavior safely from afar. Generally, if the subject is indeed a fangirl, she will exhibit the following:

• An obsessive, mind-controlling love for a fictional character or fandom
• Uncontrollable chattering about her fandom every time she opens her mouth
• Uncontrollable squeeing and/or interjecting into a conversation where her fandom is mentioned
• Obsessive hoarding of objects and/or merchandise that has to do with her fandom/character
• Unexplained need to attend conventions involving her fandom and/or meeting her favorite character
• Rabid and vicious verbal and possibly physical attacks when anyone puts down her fandom

These are just some of the most common signs of a fangirl.Some may also foam at the mouth, be prone to browse the internet constantly for fanart and fanfiction, inventing self-insert characters/romance interests for her fandom/character and possibly be found enjoying cosplaying.

How to Avoid a Fangirl Attack:

  Most fangirls are likely to attack if their fandoms or characters are threatened.The easiest way to avoid this is to do the following:

• Do NOT tell the fangirl that her character crush wouldn't like her. This will send her into a titanic rage.
• Do NOT tell a fangirl she would be the first one to die in her fandom, this WILL lead to her becoming determined to prove her survival skills and kicking your tuckus.
• Do NOT steal a fangirl's fandom mechandise of possessions. She will have a total flip-out, and possibly kill you if she discovers you've taken them.
• Do NOT draw on a fangirl's fandom posters. This will lead to her giving you a tattoo of whatever you've drawn.On your face.
• Do NOT dismiss a fangirl's pairing(a coupling of characters that she approves of) as being implausible. This will lead to an hour long rant about how they are totally compatible. This may lead to your ears bleeding.
• Do NOT (if you are part of another fandom) even dare to SUGGEST that your fandom is better than a fangirl's. This will lead to a physical duel, which you will lose.

  As you have no doubt picked up by now, the main idea here is not to insult/put down or meddle with a fangirl's fandom.Do this, you will be fine.


NOTE: If a fangirl does attack, the chances of survival are low. At least, in the sense that you will ever be the same, because you won't be.

How to Cure Them:

  There is no known cure for a fangirl, but research has shown that over time, especially if her fandom's ratings begin to fall and/or her favorite character is permenantly removed, a fangirl's obsessiveness will slowly wane and then fade away. In the most severe cases, this will lead to a few weeks of sadness, after which the fangirl with either make a complete recovery and return to normal society, or she will instead discover a new fandom, and the cycle will begin all over again.

On a closing note, fangirls surround us, they are an incurable epidemic. However, I feel they are something to be embraced, not scorned. The reason I feel this way? I am one! BEHOLD! MY FANDOM!

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

If 2012 truly marked the end of the world, I think I would probably first go and send out an e-mail to all my family and friends, expressing how much I loved them and how special they all were to me. Then to make sure they read it,I'd post a Facebook Post telling everyone to check their e-mails.

Afterward, I'd probably get in the car, stock up on McDonalds fries (because, let's face it, those things are awesome), and hit the road, trying to get to see as many of the important people in my life as I could before nightfall.

After returning home, I would probably watch one last movie with my family, talk a while, reminisce the past, that sort of thing, then just wait for the world to blow up, or whatever.

Point is, I don't believe the world will end in 2012. I believe that maybe, there will be some drastic changes that will end the world AS WE KNOW IT, meaning, things will change, but I really highly doubt it will actually end, that the human race will be wiped out.

Valentine's Day: A Single Lady's View

Valentine's Day sucks, plain and simple. It's nothing but a day to make single people feel worse about themselves, to stress partnered men out over what to buy to express their love, and for women to be pampered and spoiled even more than they already are by their partners. Besides, we don't even get a day off!

Valentine's Day is a great day for business; sales on normally trivial things such as chocolates, flowers and adorable plushies sky-rocket. However, in today's day and age, this does seem to be the only reason for this 'holiday', for people to burn holes in their pockets dishing out money on worthless and (if I may be perfectly honest) meaningless gifts as an expression of 'love'.

To me, love is not about how much you spend on someone or how beautiful and/or extravagant your gifts to them are. Love is meant to be a  joining of two people who deeply and intimately care about one another.Gifts and other methods of pampering should play no large part in love.

To summarize what I'm trying to say, I'm not bitter in the least about being single for Valentine's Day, I just think it's ridiculous that people spend so much money on silly, disposable things as a ay to show their love. I'd much rather spend an evening out with someone I loved, and if they insisted on buying me flowers, I'd just want a few sprigs of lavender, which I find far more beautiful and unique than roses.

When I Get Older...

In ten years, I hope to be fresh out of school, just starting out in my new job as a veterinary technician. I've always thought about working with animals, and taken an interest in medical studies, so it seems like a perfect fit. The schooling will most likely be tough, but I think I can handle it. I'll do my best to anyway.

If I had my way, in ten years I'll be either engaged or at least in a close relationship with someone. Married if I'm lucky, married with children if I'm extremely fortunate. If I could have my dream man, I'd be dating Jensen Ackles, but we can't always get what we want.

 This is Jensen Ackles. Isn't he pretty?

In the future, I aim to have emotional and financial stability, because those are two of the things necessary for a stable home life that some people lack, which is a terrible thing. I believe if one has these things, they can be satisfied, provided they are also loved and love and care for others.



I'm hoping to have travelled a bit in the next ten years, to Holland and Los Angeles to visit good friends,  and to Australia or England just for fun and adventure. Hopefully I won't get to adventurous, as that can sometimes lead to injury, especially for me.

My future holds potential in my eyes, even though it is uncertain. I can only hope that it will be at least close to what I dream it will be.

If the world were mine...

~V.

When an Ostrich Stalks You

Hello, dear readers! 

I have a rare treat for you today! It's Story Time!

One day, I was just standing in the park, enjoying the fresh air, the wind through the trees, the shrieks of children as they pushed each other into the pond and were promptly attacked by angry swans. I sigh, feeling blissfully happy, despite the screams of the children as they're being pecked and buffeted by the great wings of swans.

"Help!" They scream."Mister! We're being attacked by a huge bird!"

I scoff. "That's not a huge bird!" I say. 

I start to walk away, to go back home. The peace of the park no longer entertains me. That was when I heard it, a strange squawking sound, quite unlike the hisses and honks of the swans. I peer over my shoulder, and see no one there.

As I walk past a tree, I feel something tap me on the shoulder. I freeze and slowly turn my head, only to come face to face with a fuzzy head and orange beak. The ostrich stares at me a moment. I stare back. I have no idea what I should do. No one tells you what to do in case of an ostrich attack.

Do I make myself bigger, scream and shout? Or smaller, playing dead and holding my breath until he goes away? Or do I simply climb a tree or run for my life screaming like a little girl? All this runs through my head as the ostrich and I continue our staring contest. Then, it makes a move. It lets out the squawking sound.

Me and the Ostrich as it squawks.

 I am petrified! Now what? I decide to go with my instincts. I do as a coward would and run, screaming at the top of my voice. Sadly, my scream is more shrill than Justin Beiber's singing voice. It shames me to no end. So I stop, saving my breath for running.

I continue to run, until I see my sanctuary ahead. A concrete duck-pond. Everyone knows about these things. No ducks ever go to them because they are too small and there's no food in them. They're insanely deep and no flightless bird who can't swim in his right mind would dare to go into one.So I know what I must do.

Snapping on my swim goggles and my safety helmet, I charge the duck-pond. As I draw nearer, I leap into the air, more graceful than a ballerina performing on opening night, and dive into the duck pond.

The water is freezing cold, but I swim down, down,down, on and on until I touch the bottom. I turn around and start for the surface. As I break through the water, I look back in the direction I had come and realize, there is no ostrich. Instead, standing next to the tree is an old man with a long nose and a beard, coughing into a handkerchief. 

I sigh and move to the edge of the duck pond, and grasp the edge, pulling myself out. I think I need to go home and take a nap. Or admit myself to the insane asylum.

In Other News...

Are you one of those people who enjoy napping at class, or find you need to catch a few 'z' 's at work? Then buy this thing!

So, what is this strange object? This is the ostrich. It's not a pillow! Not a bed, but a bit of both! The best part, this thing ACTUALLY exists! Why would someone invent such a thing, no one's sure.

Why am I posting about this? I WANT ONE! How nice would it be to be feeling tired, and just be able to whip out your Ostrich and take a nap? The one downside of thing I can see is that people would know you were, or were at least trying, to get to sleep. that and I also worry about how one would breathe.

 See the article here:http://www.ecouterre.com/need-a-power-nap-at-work-bury-your-head-in-the-ostrich-pillow-bag/

My Secret